Dear daughter is now three-quarters the way through her first year of college (out-of-state). Dear son is three-quarters the way through his first year of high school. They are both "doing" what they're supposed to be doing, what I as a parent would want them to "do." They're exploring new vistas, new possibilities. And, for the most part (if the reports are true), they're enjoying the experience and doing well. Again, I'm glad.
I've been surprised, however, by some of the side-effects. For a couple of decades now, dear spouse and I have been "doing" for the kids: taking them to and from school and/or doctor's appointments, making sure they have all the right (sized) clothes, acting as computer tech-support (especially when a paper's deadline looms in 10 minutes!), serving as a cheering section at ballet or tae-kwon-do events. But, with one less kid in the house, and the other increasingly self-reliant, I've found myself with time on my hands.
Now, you might think this would be a good thing (and I suppose it is, in the sense of training for the "empty nest syndrome"). But, according to my StrengthsFinder, my second-strongest strength is "Achiever". In other words, I live to get things done! But, with about 60% what I formerly needed to "do" no longer necessary, I'm casting about for other things to "achieve". Our financial records are now meticulously organized. I've culled old clothes and cellphones. I've re-arranged all of the stuff in the garage. Given that we're still coming out of winter, I've not been able to devote much energy to the yard, but . . . just wait! Oh, I can take the lawn-mower to get it tuned up! That's not only doing something, but making it possible to do something better when I can mow!
Another facet of this, though, has been that I have had the (almost enforced) opportunity to not do. While I might protest the lack of do-ables, I have found that the additional time has allowed me to peer around corners in my own life that I've ignored while pounding straight ahead in pursuit of a "product". In other words, I've had to question my role as a "human doing" and consider a role as a "human being". Some of the insights have been surprising.
It is in this new reality that I found the following quotation from Joseph Campbell provocative:
I've been surprised, however, by some of the side-effects. For a couple of decades now, dear spouse and I have been "doing" for the kids: taking them to and from school and/or doctor's appointments, making sure they have all the right (sized) clothes, acting as computer tech-support (especially when a paper's deadline looms in 10 minutes!), serving as a cheering section at ballet or tae-kwon-do events. But, with one less kid in the house, and the other increasingly self-reliant, I've found myself with time on my hands.
Now, you might think this would be a good thing (and I suppose it is, in the sense of training for the "empty nest syndrome"). But, according to my StrengthsFinder, my second-strongest strength is "Achiever". In other words, I live to get things done! But, with about 60% what I formerly needed to "do" no longer necessary, I'm casting about for other things to "achieve". Our financial records are now meticulously organized. I've culled old clothes and cellphones. I've re-arranged all of the stuff in the garage. Given that we're still coming out of winter, I've not been able to devote much energy to the yard, but . . . just wait! Oh, I can take the lawn-mower to get it tuned up! That's not only doing something, but making it possible to do something better when I can mow!
Another facet of this, though, has been that I have had the (almost enforced) opportunity to not do. While I might protest the lack of do-ables, I have found that the additional time has allowed me to peer around corners in my own life that I've ignored while pounding straight ahead in pursuit of a "product". In other words, I've had to question my role as a "human doing" and consider a role as a "human being". Some of the insights have been surprising.
It is in this new reality that I found the following quotation from Joseph Campbell provocative:
We must be willing to get rid of
the life we've planned, so as to
have the life that is waiting for us.*
the life we've planned, so as to
have the life that is waiting for us.*
Namasté,
Gary
* The quotation is used as the epigraph in Dan Brown's latest novel, Origin (Doubleday, 2017).
* The quotation is used as the epigraph in Dan Brown's latest novel, Origin (Doubleday, 2017).
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